Dear America, to say that pornography doesn't confuse the human soul and breed immense, guilt, shame and spiritual and relational trauma is misleading at best. It not only does these things on a micro level, it disturbs the collective conscience, leading a society to integrate views of sexuality that distort its meaning, purpose and pleasure. The more it infiltrates, the more it becomes an accepted phenomenon, gradually working away at damaging hearts and minds. This results in us living a confused society that is reeling from the traumatic effects of pornography, yet glamorizing it and selling it to the masses. 

The more I work with couples and families, the more it becomes evident how tenderness creates a foundation for healing, change and open conversation. When we approach those we love in a caring manner, we can help diffuse points of conflict and establish a needed sense of safety which fortifies the emotional bonds between us.

The last few months have been rife with news headlines reporting on numerous allegations of sexual misconduct by notable male figures in the realm of Hollywood and the political sphere. What does all of this mean? My mind is immediately drawn to the sense these allegations put on display what our American culture has been reticent to acknowledge:"We've treated human sexuality too lightly and are reaping the effects." 

Fight the New Drug recently posted a video of 5 celebrities sharing their experiences with porn. What these celebrities had to say was right on, and I hope they will continue to publicly address this issue.

John Hammer isn't someone you ever forget. He radiates sincerity, joy, and a refreshing humility. I met John a couple of years ago after he accepted an invitation to speak at men's gathering I was helping facilitate at the time, which on that particular day centered on his newly published book, EXXXIT. We later connected again as part of a podcast I was putting together on The Intersection of Masculinity, Fatherhood and Pornography. It was during this meeting I had the opportunity to hear in greater depth on how he overcome his struggle with pornography.

Envision waking up one morning, checking the news shortly thereafter, and learning the United States passed legislation officially banning all forms of pornography. I imagine that across the nation people of all backgrounds, motivations and opinions would have varied emotions at such a pivotal moment in American history. Some individuals may be shocked, angry, and bewildered while others may be glad and with an immense sense of relief. 

If I could list one element that makes or breaks marital communication, it's our tone. I say this based on countless sessions with couples who have tried to work through important marital issues, only to see their efforts fail due to their use of a harsh or disrespectful tone. Additional communications are destined for failure, unless there is a deliberate shift in how they engage one another.