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Although marital conflict and the experience of strong emotions is unavoidable, healthy marital communication requires that husbands and wives recognize when their communication has broken down, and apply emotional and conversational boundaries serving to help them remain calm when navigating important issues in their relationship. Let’s take a few moments to consider steps couples can take to help have calm and constructive communication.
If anyone tells you that doing the work of marriage is easy, you would be wise to reconsider the proposition. The reality is that establishing a strong and healthy marriage takes work, and lots of it over the course of time. This is not to imply that you should be scared or intimidated by the notion of marriage. On the other hand, it indicates couples can benefit greatly from being well acquainted with the principles enabling husbands and wives to effectively work together in creating a relationship where each person feels loved, cherished, and valued. This article sets forth two of these essential principles.
Parenting is truly one of the most amazing and difficult endeavors in the world. Bearing the responsibility to care for and shape a life is no small task, especially considering a major element of it centers on managing conflict with our children. My experience as a Marriage & Family Therapist is that handling those conflicts well requires the establishment of a relationship directed approach with our children.
After a recent presentation to a group of therapists on marriage counseling, I was approached by a former professor who was in attendance. He came to where I was standing and asked me to clarify what made Christian counseling distinct from other clinical approaches. I recall providing a brief response, but we didn’t have time to fully explore the issue. The reality is there are multiple reasons I practice as a Christian counselor. I’ll explore a few of these reasons in this article, and identify what I believe makes Christian counseling a truly distinct and meaningful endeavor.
The reality of our human condition is embedded imperfection, the presence of sin, and the inevitability of facing various disappointments in life. Such disappointments often register at a deep emotional level…and can send us spiraling into places of guilt, self-loathing, despondency, and depression if not managed carefully.
It is the easiest thing in the world to point fingers at our spouse, and to blame them for the inadequacies and issues experienced in our marriage. We may occasionally feel justified in doing so, and even believe that criticizing them will somehow bring about the changes we desire in our relationship. But the reality is that pointing fingers is rarely ever the precipitator of change in any marriage, and if we really desire to see change occur, we’ll begin by judging ourselves and facing the realities of our heart.
Marriage is not a passive entity. It requires the daily commitment and effort of both parties to understand and respond to the central needs of each other. When these elements are applied consistently over time, a marriage is given the nourishment it needs to bear the fruit of intimacy leading to a lasting romance. When marriage is treated as a passive entity the fruit of intimacy quickly begins to wane. Emotional connection gives way to conflict, while emotional distancing leaves both parties straining to feel loved.
One cannot peruse the biblical narrative of Jeremiah without recognizing his dedication to declare “the word of the Lord,” in spite of the associated emotional burden, and the personal and political risks that would follow. His example stands in sharp contrast to the blatantly false doctrines promulgated by many prominent ministers and ministries in our nation. They have traded the proclamation of truth for popularity, chosen demagoguery over discipleship, and led the church toward the pursuit of riches instead of righteousness.
The process of change in heart of any man begins with humility and a willingness to seek help from others. It’s how we develop and mature in the process of reaching our full potential in all areas of life. Both elements are essential in this regard, however men will often shy away from them because they challenge what we’ve been taught about masculinity, either by our families or the broader culture (i.e., vulnerability is a form of weakness; men have to be strong, independent, emotionless and aggressive).
Marriages are built on a foundation of trust, however time is the structure by which marital bonds are formed. Consider the earliest periods of a relationship where two individuals, driven by the power of attraction and adventure, ultimately prove their commitment, dedication and devotion to one another by their prioritization of time together. They make the time necessary to discuss their day, share their feelings for each other, and engage in fun and romantic activities. I call these initial attempts at bonding the “first things.”
Couples who enter premarital counseling do something remarkable. They reinforce their level of commitment to one another, while helping lay a solid foundation for a marriage that will last over the course of time. To be sure, it’s a decision steeped in maturity, which demonstrates their willingness to do the hard work needed to have a healthy relationship moving forward.
“When we feel lost, and like our way is uncertain, we can find rest in the Lord. When our hearts are heavy, and we’re unsure how to move forward, we can find rest in the Lord. When it would be easy to sink into our frailty, we can find rest in the Lord. When decisions are required, and risks abound, we can proceed with courage and find rest in the Lord.”
