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Although marital conflict and the experience of strong emotions is unavoidable, healthy marital communication requires that husbands and wives recognize when their communication has broken down, and apply emotional and conversational boundaries serving to help them remain calm when navigating important issues in their relationship. Let’s take a few moments to consider steps couples can take to help have calm and constructive communication.
Parenting is truly one of the most amazing and difficult endeavors in the world. Bearing the responsibility to care for and shape a life is no small task, especially considering a major element of it centers on managing conflict with our children. My experience as a Marriage & Family Therapist is that handling those conflicts well requires the establishment of a relationship directed approach with our children.
Marriage is not a passive entity. It requires the daily commitment and effort of both parties to understand and respond to the central needs of each other. When these elements are applied consistently over time, a marriage is given the nourishment it needs to bear the fruit of intimacy leading to a lasting romance. When marriage is treated as a passive entity the fruit of intimacy quickly begins to wane. Emotional connection gives way to conflict, while emotional distancing leaves both parties straining to feel loved.
The process of change in heart of any man begins with humility and a willingness to seek help from others. It’s how we develop and mature in the process of reaching our full potential in all areas of life. Both elements are essential in this regard, however men will often shy away from them because they challenge what we’ve been taught about masculinity, either by our families or the broader culture (i.e., vulnerability is a form of weakness; men have to be strong, independent, emotionless and aggressive).
Couples who enter premarital counseling do something remarkable. They reinforce their level of commitment to one another, while helping lay a solid foundation for a marriage that will last over the course of time. To be sure, it’s a decision steeped in maturity, which demonstrates their willingness to do the hard work needed to have a healthy relationship moving forward.
When married couples argue, it's often a failed attempt at reaching for one another. A primary reason lies in the use of criticism. Husbands and wives may unknowingly assume that pointing out where and how their spouse has failed will somehow lead to a resolution of the core issues they're trying to address, or even bring them closer together somehow. Unfortunately, this approach tends to have the opposite effect.
Contrary to the popular notion, time doesn't heal all wounds. Rose Kennedy put it this way: "It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens, but it is never gone." Her statement precisely illustrates what I see married couples experience when the trust between them is lost.
Parents, have you recently asked, "What can I do to protect my child from being exposed to pornography?" If so, we're of the same mind. As a father of two young boys, and Marriage & Family Therapist, I am also concerned knowing this substance has become a prevalent part of our world that can be easily accessed through many different avenues. I speak from experience, having been first exposed to porn when I was a child and having seen its effects on my life and on my marriage. The fact is that our children are extremely vulnerable, not simply to being exposed to pornography, but to the real potential of developing an addiction to it through continued usage over time.
Healthy marital communication doesn't simply happen. It takes the use of certain skill sets, such as curiosity, to help us begin experiencing a more fulfilled marriage. This post takes a closer look into the application of curiosity, its impact on the development of healthy communication that serves to build trust and intimacy within a marriage, and it's relevance to the application our Christian faith on a daily basis with our spouse.
