The path through life is never clear. It is an unpredictable journey where our decisions and unforeseen variables contribute to us reaching certain junctures where feel utterly lost. I've experienced these feelings myself, and have listened to many others recount the difficulty of being in this position. It's in these places some degree of change or forward progress is desired, but the solutions and details as to how to make such changes occur remain elusive. The result is a deep frustration, anxiety, sadness or sense of being trapped wherein we find ourselves asking:
"What should I do?"
There is no question these are difficult points in time, however there are different ways we can navigate well through these situations.
Seek Wisdom From Knowledgeable Others
One of the best things we can do when we find ourselves asking, "What should I do?" is to seek wisdom from others who have more knowledge, wisdom and experience related to our present situation. The key point here is to:
Clearly identify where you feel lost (e.g., work, marriage, purpose, spirituality, finances, etc.) and to reach out to someone who is truly knowledgeable in that field.
Be humble enough to ask for help.
I realize that for many of us the task of asking for help can be a grueling experience. Our pride or anxiety can hold us back in this sense if we aren't careful. However, if we're willing to humble ourselves and push through our anxieties, we open ourselves up to the real possibility of finding the knowledge needed to help us make sound decisions and resolve our sense of being lost.
"When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom." (Proverbs 11:2)
Calculated Risk vs The "Certainty" Trap
Perfection is an illusion based in our perception. However, this doesn't stop us from entertaining perfection when making important life transitions. In essence, we want to change something about our lives, while wanting to “know” we are making the right decision.
This need for certainty isn't entirely unhelpful, because as humans we have an innate need to make decisions that lead to the greatest sense of security and safety possible. Hence, we may overanalyze certain choices such as:
Whether to continue dating someone.
Whether to pursue or accept a new job position.
Whether to sell a home or move to a different state, etc.
These are life changing decisions with very real implications, therefore our need our drive for certainty helps us to weigh the implications of our pending decision. Unfortunately, it can also paralyze us from making any decision at all. This is why it makes more sense to seek wisdom and information, and to weigh this data, as part of making a “sound decision” versus seeking a “perfect outcome.”
Be Strengthened in Prayer
The nature of our humanity often causes us to fear when we find ourselves firmly in the midst of uncertainty. This serves to challenge our ability to seek and be strengthened by God in prayer, which in the end is truly our best move. Granted, it is because of this we can easily find ourselves “doing,” or trying to figure everything out on our own, and lose sight of our need for God’s guidance and intervention.
It is arrogant to believe we can do everything “on our own,” like a toddler kicking and screaming “I can do it,” as their parent watches them struggling the task at hand. Developmentally, this makes sense for a child, who in a state of fight or flight struggles to recognize their inability and the help awaiting them. As an adult, this doesn’t fly, because the reality is our decisions matter, and our success is largely determined by help and guidance of those around us.
Are We Willing to Listen?
This is never more true than in our relationship with God. His wisdom and guidance is essential, but never forceful. Therefore, the questions is, “Are we willing to cry out to God in prayer and carefully listen to what we feel he is leading us to do? Doing so requires humility, and it is this from the vantage point of a humble heart that we develop the discipline of prayer and the strength to make needed decisions in life.
Eric Gomez,
Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Fulfilled Christian Counseling